Highland Holiday

Told by Edgar the Good.

This scar here? That's nothing. I got that on my Highland holiday, hee hee. You should have seen the other guys - their bodies wreaked and broken on the cold Highland heath. I doubt they ever got up again, bless their souls. A wizard's wrath is terrible to behold, just terrible, but I get ahead of myself.

Late last autumn, Master told me to go with his apprentice and keep him safe. Well he was a full wizard then but that's what Hob said. It seemed Peregrine wanted to go hunting witches in the Highlands amongst the savages. I know what your thinking, what would possess a man to go into the Highlands? The Lowlands are where any sane man should be. What's to the south? Normans! To the north? Scots! And squeezed in the middle here, pointing to his large calloused palm, is... um... Us! Making a fist and pounding it on the table.

Well we left Hob's house for a covenant in Cumbia, taking the roads George preferred. Seemed he liked taking the long way, staying at real inns and the like. Nobody seemed glad to see us on account of the wizard. Still George was able to get us there alright.

'There' being Stormwatch, a tower perched on a cliff over stormy seas. We set in for the night and stayed all winter. Seemed Master Peregrine had some reading to do or something. The wizards left us alone thankfully and we spent most the day playing knuckle bones and drinking. Never got out much on account of the weather, seems no one likes to get cold and wet, neshes all of them. Spring came and we left fully provisioned with sure footed fell ponies for the Highlands.

Again George led the way and we ended up in Glasgow staying in warm beds the whole way. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was stalling but that's not like him. George bought a whole horse load of pretty glass beads from France or something, and we set off to Argyle to look for some hedgies.

There aren't so much roads as sheep paths and generally one walks the tops of the hill to see the trouble before it sees you. Again no love from the locals and to make things worse, no one but the wizard spoke Gaelic. So the wizard did all the talking and we spent most nights at the outskirts of towns eating bread at meat prices. But still we were thankful that they didn't kill us outright. Once we were driven off the main road by the Highlanders, and after a day's travel we had to camp out in the hills. That's a story in itself and be it a warning to you that no good can be found in the wilds of Scotland.

Like stray dogs we were chased off and found ourselves following an old footpath west. We traveled the whole day without seeing a single soul, until we were about to make camp and heard music and yelping. There in the middle of nowhere was an abandoned farmhouse full of singing and laughing Highland lasses whooping and yelling and making merry. Well Master Peregrine wanted to take a closer look and sent George to sneak a peak. He waved us up and the wizard knocked on the door and a bonny lass opened the door, her breast heaving from her foot work, and beckoned us in.

Now I have no idea what she said but the wizard was having nothing of it. He looked annoyed and kept refusing her hospitality. I say never lurk in doorways and when the music started up again, I went in and started dancing. Edwin came with me - Edwin I told you about Edwin, from Stormwatch, hates Normans, one hand, hits you for no reason, that's Edwin - well he came too. Peregrine and George joined the fun and we all danced with a girl or two and got quite hot, so I took some armor off and kept dancing. All was going gay when along came Peregrine smiling and dancing, he patted me on the back, mumbled something, and then all of the sudden the bounce left my step, and the girls looked less pretty. Well they were pretty enough that when Master told me to keep dancing I had no problem doing so.

Well this kept up for some time until Master Peregrine announced we were leaving. That's when things got tense. The lass with the heaving breasts who answered the door, the nice looking one, she made a move to grab the Master but I stepped in and grabbed her first. At first I thought, "hey this is one strong girl!" but soon I realized she was not a small girl. Her arms were rock hard and she had a strength of a man twice her size. Soon I, too, had to use all my strength just to hold this girl back from tearing a piece out of Master Peregrine. A few more shifts and I had her in a head lock and George came down hard on her head with the butt of his spear. Well that knocked some sense into the girl and at that time the room changed. We were no longer in a warm well lit house but a one room hovel barely lit by coals. The Master summoned a light and that's when I saw what I already knew, that I was no longer holding a pretty girl but a hideous hag.

The witch faerie pleaded for her life and offered us ransom of magic herbs and silver coin. We took it all and Master Peregrine wisely encased her hands in ice so she could not work magic at least until dawn. With an angry faerie at our backs we fled and did not rest until the break of day. Then we divided the coin, laughed at our fortune, and went to sleep.

We continued our trek across hill and dale, trading beads for pelts and information on the clan MacArthur for it seemed Master Peregrine wasn't just looking for any highland hedge wizard but for a certain hedge wizard, one who must of done him some great harm to bother going to such lengths to find him. And find him we did, or more truthfully he found us. We were deep within clan MacArthur's lands in another one of those damn walled village without our arms which they make us leave them behind, when me and the magus were surrounded by four burly Scotsman looking for trouble. They talked not at all friendly like and I readied my staff. Then Peregrine turned to me and said he was going with them. It almost came to blows when they tried to stop me from coming along. Of course I was, I told Hob I would and that's that. So after a few short words I was coming along, without my staff but I was there to keep him safe. I did see George and Edwin who responded to my whistle but they were surrounded by MacArthurs and being led away.

Three of the four burly MacArthur lads walked us out of the village up a hill and to a hut painted blue. There was an old man painted blue sitting on steps of his hut. Peregrine looked excited and this must be the wizard that got his goat or something. Well there we were standing outside some Highland hut surrounded by Scotsman and a mean looking blue wizard. Well the old man got up to go inside and that is when the fighting started. A big hole appeared under his hut nearly catching him as he scrambled inside. That's when I saw from the corner of my eye one of the Scots trying to kick the jewels off master Peregrine. Now like any good grog, I stepped in taking the full brunt of the blow myself. A bit bleary eyed from the kick, another one got by and clocked the magus. This made me mad so I drew my dagger and stabbed the bastard. Well at that point, Peregrine he went and disappeared and I was left fighting three dirk wielding Scotsman. Well my armor held true but three on one is not good odds. That's when I got this, points to a brutal looking scar, and was just fighting for my life. They thought I was going down soon so one went after the magus. Well he didn't get far, for Peregrine saw him coming and conjured up a fountain of water that knocked him back and broke so many bones that he didn't get back up. At this point an eagle or something flew out of the house clutching something, looked like a white dove of all things, and flew off towards the mountains. Well this is when Peregrine lost it. The two Scots who thought they had me turned and fled as they saw my magus approaching ready to unleash his full ire on them. They ran but he used his magic to cut them off and break their bones with gushers of water, leaving their wet limp and mangled forms stretched over the grass. This is when George and Edwin caught up with the ponies, drunk of all things, and in the distance we could see the warriors of clan MacArthur in pursuit. Peregrine used magic to seal my wounds and we rode as fast as we could away from Argyle and the wrath of clan MacArthur. They chased us for many leagues, doubtless seeking blood for the loss of four of their warriors, and I doubt we'll e'er get a welcome other then a spear point from clan MacArthur from this day forward.